Saturday, April 5, 2008

Why I'm unhappy right now

I'm tired and every night when I go to sleep I have massive panic attacks where I just want to jump up and out and get away from them.

Certain teachers (and one in particular) really bother me. The one that I really have an issue with teachers about 70% of the classes as well. And she is the one I am to go to when I want to look over an exam. I don't even want to do that any mroe because I feel like she is scrutinizing me and just boring a hole in me with her distate for me. When I asked a question in class the other day, she just stared at me. At least I'm making an effort to participate.

She began the class by saying, "Did everyone read? What did you learn about teaching and learning in the reading?" How annoying! We were told so many times that we are adult learners and theere are special ways for each of us to learn. She admonished a student for taking notes on something because "it's in the book."

"Why are you writing this down? You should know this from the reading," she barked.

The student responded, "For reinforcement."

Some people put little effort into school and appear apathetic and still pass. But I know I should not let it bother me. It's about me and my experience and what I need to do to get through the program.

I'm going to be 39 in August and I'm single and lonely and still hooking up with random guys because I want sex. It would be nice to have someone consistent.

I'm 40%/60% sure that I even want to do this or feel I CAN do this without having a nervous breakdown. But what the fuck else am I going to do?

I cry and cry and cry all the time.

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